The small print
doesn't read itself

There is no industry rule here, there are opposite wordings. One policy expressly includes the sensors and driver-assistance systems the manufacturer builds into the glass. Another excludes exactly the opposite: screens with navigation, phone systems or information projected onto the glass. And several say nothing at all, which is the worst place to be when the invoice arrives.

Breakdowns are the dividing line in this cover. Some policies exclude them outright and only respond to a crash or a theft. Another does cover them, but with a one-month waiting period from the day you sign: if the breakdown comes sooner, there is no car. And in another it only applies if you buy the top package, and even then only if it happens far from home.

Nobody can force you to repair within their network, but leaving it is not always free. In one policy the number of courtesy-car days doubles if you repair within their network. In another, the courtesy car 'for the whole repair' only exists if you use their garages. And there is a policy where hail damage is only covered if both the repair and the loss adjustment happen at garages appointed by the insurer. Going outside their network does not mean they pay less for the repair: it means you lose benefits.

In insurance language, robbery and theft are not the same thing: robbery involves force or violence, plain theft does not. One policy covers both, and adds joyriding — when someone takes the car and abandons it elsewhere. Another excludes plain theft in so many words, and vandalism along with it. Same event, opposite answer.

First, luggage cover is almost never included as standard: you buy it separately. Then comes the small print. One policy covers theft with a forced boot only if the car is in a permanently guarded garage, and expressly rules out supermarket, airport and port car parks — in other words, exactly where it usually happens. In other policies your phone, laptop or sat-nav never qualify, however deep inside the car they were.

Several policies list falling trees, poles or objects coming off buildings as part of the cover. But one excludes it for that very reason: it calls it an indirect consequence of the phenomenon rather than the phenomenon itself. And another works from a closed list in which wind does not even appear. The state scheme only steps in if gusts top 120 km/h; below that the storm is an ordinary risk and your own policy decides. And if the Government does declare a national catastrophe, the scheme is out, not in. And do not mix the two thresholds: those 120 km/h are the state scheme’s, not your policy’s. To decide whether the storm counted as abnormal, only one wording puts a number on it; everywhere else the loss adjuster decides.

This one causes a lot of grief. Every policy asks for evidence, but the bar varies enormously. One accepts the police statement. Others require the report to record remains of the animal on the car or on the road. And one goes as far as asking that the animal can be identified. If the boar runs off without leaving a trace, that's where it is decided whether you get paid. The wildlife warning sign decides who is liable for the accident, not whether your policy pays. Tip: call the authorities, and don't repair the car before the loss adjuster has seen it.

Every policy pays the new-car value for a while and then drops to market value, but that 'while' is different in each one. Between the shortest and the longest scale there are years of difference on the same car. And there are details almost nobody reads: in one, the new-car value only applies if you were the first owner; in another, if you bought with a steep discount, the payout falls by that same proportion.

You have the right to choose your lawyer, but that doesn't mean the bill is paid in full. One policy covers with no capital limit if you accept their professionals, and sets a cap if you choose your own — a cap that in its upgraded version is four times that of other insurers. Another doesn't even set an amount: it pays a sliding percentage of whatever compensation you recover. It is one of the most expensive and least visible differences in the contract. What none of them can touch is independence: the lawyer you choose is never subject to the insurer instructions.

'Kilometre zero' refers to the car, not to you. The tow truck and mechanical help start at your front door, but transport for the people, the hotel or the ticket home usually only work if the incident happens beyond a certain distance from your address. That distance varies by insurer and is shorter on the islands. One policy is even titled 'km 0' and then sets the distance in the small print.